so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
