ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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