we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
