She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
