you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
