whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
