On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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