I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
