I'm lost and stupid without you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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