Are we in a gay sports bar?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
