so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
