life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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