And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
