I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
