Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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