True but thats because hes a fetus.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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