dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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