dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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