The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
