Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
