Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
