Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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