she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
