I wannas sexs uuuuu
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
