I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
