Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
