So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
