Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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