I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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