This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
