I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
