she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
