Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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