so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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