Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
