I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
