i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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