so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
