Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
