I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
