the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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