Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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