didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
