I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A bitchslap is in order.
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