"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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