Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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