i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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