Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
