Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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