So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
