Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
