i think my tv is drunk
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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